Ok, so this is probably the first time in the nine-year history of this site that I’ve ever been trashed when I posted. Please excuse my lack of spell checking – that may come later.

Anyway, a couple things first: My friend Bolton is the proud father of a baby girl, who is indeed fully human, with (count ‘em) ten toes, ten fingers, two eyes, et cetera – I don’t intend to enumerate all the body pieces involved in assembling a normal, healthy baby. One of my other friends has just undergone surgery for unpleasantness (surprisingly, the same day as the baby arrival), and is now in recuperation. Please vote for her when she runs for office.

I, myself, have begun healing – I fought with a parking garage gate and lost. Lost badly, to be precise. I was leaving the parking garage across the street from work, and after letting a car exit, I checked to see if there were any other cars that might have been exiting, and then proceeded to leave. Right into the gate as it came down. Had I not paused, I probably would have been knocked unconscious, as it would have come crashing down upon my head like so much Maxwell’s Silver Hammer. As it is, I took the assault of the metal bar bravely – simply deflecting it with my face. Doesn’t that sound like the beginnings of a great night?

So, after my shift ended at midnight, I decided that I’d wisely use the hour before the bars closed to go drink the night away. Not only would my ability to recall the aforementioned clocking by gate be diminished, but there would surely be entertainment to be gleaned by being drunk and seeing other drunks. On my return to the office—which is around the corner from the bar—I was halted by two people who were most likely drunker than I was. “Can you tell me how it takes someone forty years to build a building?” asked the girl. Wow, really drunker than me. Awesome. Ok, so that conversation (if you could call it that) ended with me hugging the girl, and giving props to the guy who said “This guy totally stopped to chat with us – you are a ‘G’.” You hear that thugs? I’m a motherfucking ‘G’. You can’t possibly step up to that.

Anyway, I’ve been sitting at work more than enough to become sober (yes, I’ve been goofing off instead of finishing this post), so I’m going to go home.

P.S. I totally rock, now let’s see if I can avoid being hit by the parking gate again.